Monday, March 22, 2010


Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise.

But on the other hand, early to rise, early to bed, makes a man healthy and wealthy and dead.

Which goes to show that just because something rhymes, that doesn't necessarily mean it's trustworthy or helpful advice.

Otherwise the chap at college who was always reciting the aphorism "any hole is a goal" would have been the most helpful man on earth. As it was, he came across like a rather tawdry individual.

Four paragraphs in, and I think I've avoided a fairly basic pun about bodily fluids. I apologise. If you wanted cheap filth, remove three words from that sentence and see if it raises a chortle or not.

But I did get up early, and I went to bed late last night, which conspired to make me a grumpy man on my way home. More problematically, I've purchased two tins of soup for dinner, and I'm worried the combination of general bolshiness and my annoyance at the people cramming themselves into the MTR with me might mean, well...

If you're angry holding soup,
Swing not your arm,
If too close to an annoying group
Of commuters you might catch them and do irrevocable harm.

Ok, that might take a while to catch on. I'm not sure if that last line scans properly or not. But I'm convinced I'll soon be just as well-respected as the composer of any-hole-is-a-goal. Just a little bit more work...


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