Cats and dogs

My girlfriend wasn't particularly enamoured of the painting that I brought home, reacting to it in the same way that you might when your cat fetches in a dead mouse for your delectation. Well, to be exact about this, she said the picture was scary, which I feel is stretching the point. Once a cat is nailed to a cross, even if it has a pair of breasts and a teddy bear attached to it, it's not much of a physical threat.

I assume. It's not like I frequently crucify cats, as I hope I explained yesterday.

Anyway, she was less than happy with it taking pride of place in the living room, and Lila, our feline houseguest, also seemed discombobulated by it. That meant she spent half the night kicking things off bookshelves onto our heads, playing very noisily with some brown paper, and then having a fight with the chest of drawers. Behaviour that we thought she'd grown out of about two months ago.

I blame myself for leaving her at home all day, probably playing on the Xbox and drinking too many caffeinated beverages. Or am I getting confused with me again?

One of the advantages cats hold over dogs is that they make less noise. Mostly. And they don't have any interest in you, save as something to rub their scent glands against and provide food. Dogs want you to pay attention to you, and be your friend. And go for long walks, and probably hold hands and watch the sun set while whispering romantic whatnots at one another.

Ahem.

Although cats will wail from time to time, dogs seem to bark constantly. They have no other way to express themselves: if you locked a thousand dogs in a room full of typewriters and waited ... eventually you'd be arrested for animal cruelty. But I reckon if they had the chance to type anything during their incarceration, it would all be in CAPITAL LETTERS.

Case in point: leaving my building this morning, a woman was entering with her little dog, Angel, who lived up to her name by yap-yap-yapping at me for five minutes. "Hey," I wanted to say, "I don't actually nail animals to objects, I just own a depiction of such an event." But there was no reasoning with Angel. For a start, dogs don't understand my accent.

And even if you did have a silent dog, it would still always be making those puppy-dog eyes at you, wanting your attention. Cats are spiritually lower-maintenance.

All that said, it was thus ever more annoying to be woken up continually by a cat that kept seeking attention.

Luckily, I slept through most of this aural assault, and the one time the sound of scrumpling brown paper did disturb my slumber, I feigned unconsciousness until my girlfriend got up and dealt with the cat. Still, I got to hear all about the animal's misdeeds first thing this morning, and that will probably stop me from sleeping properly at the office.