Monday, October 11, 2010

The Problem With Perspiration

I went to the gym tonight for the first time in ages. With the competition behind me, I no longer have to feel stressed about not eating biscuits on the sofa and playing videogames rehearsing. This had precluded most exercise for the last few weeks, and although the last time I went to the gym I was so bored that I attempted to simultaneously row and read a book, I knew I had to go back and burn some calories.

I keep telling myself that when I perspire, it's my body expunging toxins through my skin. I have to tell myself to keep my spirits up, because when my skin is covered with beads of sweat and I'm dripping over the floor, my self-esteem does get a bit wobbly. And certainly, I seem to have filled myself up with toxins since Friday night, and they were doing their best to come out.

I sweated on the exercise bike. I sweated on the treadmill. I made alarming dry heaving noises as I rowed 2,000 virtual metres on the ergometer. I sweated some more on the step machine.

All that would be natural, if a little dampening. The problem is, that wasn't where it stopped.

I finished exercising. I stretched, like every good boy should. I had a shower. I washed behind my ears, and everything. I got dressed and headed out for dinner.

And then I started sweating again.

I'm not sure if my body is run my some genius of homeostasis, that concludes that if I spend five minutes without pumping my body weight in water through my pores, then something is wrong. I'm not sure, but I'm heading towards believing that.

So I arrived at the restaurant (inappropriately named Sahara, because although I was hot and bothered, I certainly wasn't arid), wet through, and feeling somewhat dehydrated by it all.

Now if this was a once-off, I'd just be blighting your life with an account of my saturated existence. But every single time I exercise, I'm hit with this timelapse sweating. Like trying to account for cost overrruns, even if you figure an additional million dollars / another ten minutes wait before you get dressed, bam, it'll catch you again. Even in air conditioned buildings: isn't that just terribly old-fashioned of my circulatory and lymphatic system?


Anonymous said...

nope, simple. You are English, designed for croquet and cricket while sipping Pimms like a normal person. The gym is not our natural enironment!

Minnie Bus said...

Priceless post! Your perspicacious perceptions on perspiration precipitate my preset precepts on personal purificationary practices.

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