It don't mean a thing if it ain't got that swing

Preparing for tonight's show at Takeout Comedy, I sat in the Starbucks up the street and stared out the window, hoping to calm my brain by looking at nothing. Instead I was bemused by what I could see.

In the frozen yogurt joint opposite, they've installed swings for the customers. I stared, at first disbelieving, then mistaking the leisurely to-and-fro motion for a hammock, before realising what they were. I'm not sure it's a good idea to have swings in a shop of any sort, except perhaps a shop selling playground apparatus. And even then, you should probably supervise any customers using them.

Whereas in the yogurt shop, anyone could sit on a swing and swing¹. That might seem all well and good, but with the uncertain quality of the ceiling's construction, the unknown fixtures holding up the swing, and the potential for a small child to swing back at mouth height and kick out a passing customers teeth, it doesn't make me feel terribly secure going in there.

And frozen yogurt is nothing if it's not about inducing a sense of security in the people who eat it.

So I sit in Starbucks, but I don't feel that I'm shilling for a corporate monstrosity here by mentioning it by name, because all I'm doing is sit here. There are three floors to the Starbucks on Elgin Street, and the staff all congregate on the middle one, so I can sit on the lowest floor and never be disturbed, taking advantage of their free soft chairs without spending money on a latte.

I am beginning to suspect they've got wise to this, and are trying to drive me out by playing Bon Iver over the stereo. I've nothing against Bon Iver - I've got his album and it's pretty good - but it could never be claimed to be the soundtrack for a cheery night out. Unless you get cheered up by a gloomy man semi-rasping a falsetto about a broken relationship.

Hey, who am I to prescribe?

However, the gloom and doom seems to be working, as I'm ready to trot down to the club early, just to avoid the constant drone. Although when I get to the club, I'm pretty sure the music that will be playing will be the same cd that's been on loop for two years.

Maybe I should just go over the road on the swings for a bit.

¹ Is there any other verb suitable for describing what you do on a swing?