Interesting dialogue

Perhaps it was all the tofurkey I ate yesterday, but I had a very upsetting dream last night where somebody was torturing me. And not torturing me as in making me use a Blackberry with an unreliable keyboard to write this.

No, it involves metalwork tools. At one point they told me not to worry, because

We're going to cut you up so small the pieces won't be able to feel pain

which was thoughtful, insofar as I needed some more dialogue for my Great Unfinished Hong Kong Novel, and that might be just the sentence.

I was either so pleased with this gift from my subconscious, or so ruddy terrified, that I woke up at 3am and couldn't get back to sleep. Damn you, jet lag/an inadvisable surfeit of meat substitutes/a bed above a noisy thoroughfare in Singapore.

It's strange that it should be noisy, given how there's precious little goings-on on the streets of Singapore late at night: it's not like the constant madness of Hong Kong. Apart from the roads. Apparently Singaporeans love to drive around and around and around late at night. They also like to say "is it?" when any God-fearing Englishman would say "isn't it?" and stress the wrong syllable on the word "moral". And, a bit like Newspeak, the set of adjectives is rather reduced, but involves more repetition; that is to say they have few few words to describe the qualities of things, but if you think think about this for a while you'll see they do still have a way to describe the intensity of those qualities
.
All this careful study of Singaporean speech patterns and behaviour should stand me in good stead when I get up on a stage and try comedy over here. Or I could go the easy route and try:

Here is my impression of a Singaporean: 'Hello. I am from Singapore. La.'

There's no sense not pandering to the lowest common denominator sometimes.

Anyway, off to bed. Who knows what will come in my dreams tonight? No tofurkey this evening, but I may have gone overboard on chilli peppers...