Into my suitcase I have to fit two extra pairs of shoes, a large shoe-sized cuboid with a present for my wife in it, another large cuboid containing a heavy glass ornament, three bars of soap and the world's largest tube of toothpaste.
Thus instead of embracing the white heat of technology, I've been panicking, hopping back and forth across the hotel room like an angry gannet, pecking at a mound of poorly folded denim and sitting on my bag to try to force it into submission.
I have the strangest feeling that I'm going to be trying to carry a box of laundry aboard my flight in my carry-on, and that the TSA are going to tell me underpants aren't allowed on planes.
Paranoid? Me? That's what they want you to think.
Today was my last day in the office as I'm flying first thing tomorrow morning; I had a poisonous cup of coffee this afternoon and now I'm struggling with life, the universe and everything this evening. I'm also recuperating from the strange dream that woke me this morning. The whooshing of the wind outside inspired me to think I was on a mountaintop, and then watching Aliens a week ago made me think there was a cat-sized monster in the room, with a huge set of jaws where its backside should be. HR Giger eat your heart out, you never had to contend with a cloaca dentata'd feline...
And now I'm watching a horrible dating show on television in which a pair of horrible men sneer at a selection of ladies that seem to want to date them. Eurgh. And so to bed.
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