Wednesday, January 27, 2010


Tomorrow I have 5 lines of dialogue at the "Comedy Dim-sum" event in Hong Kong. One line I even wrote myself. As part of a collaborative effort, I've given ostensibly useful advice about the humourous use of a stepladder.

Of all these things I feel quite proud, yet I'm still disquieted by the idea of Comedy Dim-sum occurring at 8:30pm - isn't dim sum something you have for lunch? These crazy gweilos, what are they thinking?

I'm less proud of my abridged version of The Wire, but I'll finish that off this weekend. I feel that the wisdom and cultural critiques of my chum Barry deserve a slightly wider audience than just myself.

[Technical information only useful to amateur Access programmers only]
Today I discovered something really dull about Microsoft Access and hyperlinks to web pages, that may occasionally be useful to lord knows who: a link in Access, even if classed as a hyperlink, and with all that nice http:// qualification at the start of it, still won't spawn a browser window if you click on it. But if you wrap the whole thing in # characters, it will. That is (a) quite dull, (b) not very novel and (c) there are some Microsoft employees writing elsewhere that this functionality will not be available in Microsoft Access 2010.
[Technical information ends.]

Of course, I'm quite disappointed that after ten years of working, I'm back to building things in Access again, when everybody knows you really shouldn't. But like a raddled hag in an East End strip bar, Access is easily accomodating to a casual user. We all know it will end in tears, it's just a matter of when.

Ahem. No more similies involving raddled old hags today, I promise.

Today I saw a man, in the middle of rush hour, carrying a wooden stepladder onto a crowded MTR. He's still on the train now, as we hurtle towards Tin Hau. He seems quite cheery about this awkward item of luggage, and nobody else is much perturbed. Then again, I suppose anyone who remonstrated with him about this might have to deal with an angry, stepladder-wielding maniac, so it's good that he's happy, and unlikely that he'll be obstructed.

Which is good. And a stepladder seems a better thing to cart around mass transit systems than a filled-to-bursting black bin bag of undifferentiated stuff, such as everyone seemed intent on touring the MTR with just before Christmas. I never did understand why people would put themselves through the hassle of carrying so much stuff in such a fragile container, nor why everyone seemed to be at it. Maybe it's a Hong Kong tradition. Maybe I'll get to the bottom of it in December 2010.

I don't know, though. Do you think I will be able to stand the suspense?


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