Thursday, April 01, 2010

I fought the cheese, and the cheese won

I thought I'd gone deaf in both ears today, but luckily I'd just forgotten to bring my headphones with me. I still had my ipod, so I entertained myself on the bus to the office by watching the time on each track change.

There's a great bit on Radar Love by Golden Earring where it segues from 1:59 to 2:00; you hardly know where the time goes.

I was trying to make a sandwich this morning to have for lunch, and part way through slicing the cheese my knife broke in two. As everyone knows, knives are hard and sharp, cheese is soft and blunt. For the cheese to defeat the cutlery is ominous; a strange prodigy such as this portends worse to come. Soon the waters will sink and Great Cthulhu will rise again.  As the sage HP Lovecraft once wrote, "That is not dead which can eternal lie/And with strange eons, even my knife might snap when cutting cheese. Or pie."

I fought the cheese, and the cheese won

Alternatively, it could just be metal fatigue on a six-year-old, cheap knife, and I should take the cheese out of the fridge earlier. But that's just what they'd want you to believe!

There is a third, even more sinister possibility. It is April the 1st. Perhaps the knife was swapped for a joke knife, boobytrapped to explode when it met with the cheese. Just as no battle plan survives contact with the enemy, no cutlery survives contact with dairy products.

But that makes no sense. Why would Great Cthulhu be playing April Fools jokes on me, of all people? For a start, I'm sure I would have detected some briny odour from his squamous and rugous body, and for another thing, he's from R'lyeh, and it's unclear that there's any tradition there of April Fools pranks.

Not to mention the fact that he may not be following the Gregorian calendar anyway, what with being an interstellar squid beast.


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