Thursday, October 21, 2010

My dogged determination

Today I had a presentation to make to about fifty people across the region. Unfortunately in typical dog-ate-my-homework style, all the data I was depending on was incomplete, wrong, or just plain unavailable. And what I did have left to show people seemed to have become invisible, so my nicely formatted ten slide Powerpoint presentation ended up as a sloppily formatted five slide presentation, which made me look like a halfwit. I did notice afterwards that the person controlling the slideshow had managed to skip past at least one slide without me noticing, which only added to the idiocy I felt.

However, I did salvage some pride by putting this picture of a Spitz at the end of my presentation, at which point people seemed to overlook the preceding pages of bilge, and start asking me why I'd chosen a dog rather than a cat.


If they ever found out it wasn't my dog, I'd probably catch it, but I think this canine misappropriation will go undiscovered.

It is, of course, disheartening to feel that people value your work less highly than a picture of a dog, but then life is harsh, bleak, and unremittingly cruel.

Perhaps the gloominess of that last paragraph is because I haven't had any coffee today. I've had no coffee all week. Usually this is the sort of crackpot borderline imbecile task that I'll attempt as a New Year's Resolution, and thus be welcoming in January slumped over my desk for a fortnight, when I should be bellowing down the phone at people, telling them how Important I Am and What They Should Do. But this week it's been because I arrived at the end of the month a good week before my salary did, and in a desperate attempt to save money, tore myself away from the Starbucks coffee-nipple.

On reflection, the metaphor I chose there, of an enormous franchised American breast, lactating grande lattes, may not have been the best. And since the emblem of Starbucks is a mermaid, somewhat fishy.

I could, of course, use the office coffee machine for free. But that's one of those Nespresso machines, and after three years of constant abuse, it produces either: detergent flavoured espresso (in the week after it's been professionally cleaned and serviced) or what tastes like coffee-flavoured microbial broth (during all other times in the year). Thus I haven't plucked up the courage/bravado/wherewithal/inappropriate noun to go and make myself a coffee.

There are other alternatives, of course, like Fuse (a ten minute walk away) or Caffe Habitu (but the closest that gets is a MTR ride away) and besides, they aren't free either. And curiously, this week I seem to be surviving without coffee. So perhaps my month of abstinence started on Monday.

It is my dream to become a celebrity one day, and as a result of this be offered a lucrative endorsement deal by Nestle for their Nespresso machines, and to then be denied all that delicious third-world-formula-baby-milk-funded cash when somebody reads this post and takes umbrage at the suggestion that our coffee machine spurts out coffee-flavoured bacterial soup. But it's only a suggestion.

Another suggestion would be that we cleaned the damn thing a bit more thoroughly, but I'm too tired to think that one through. Maybe if I had a cup of coffee ... No, that's not going to work either.


Candy said...

Looks like Molly saved the day?!

Mr Cushtie said...

She most certainly did. Please tell her how thankful I am for her assistance.

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