Thursday, November 04, 2010

Suitable bra nomenclature

There's a bra shop on Lyndhurst Terrace called Bubies. When I first saw the sign I didn't read it properly, and thought it was pronounced Bubb-ease, not Boobies. But if that wasn't genius enough, the window display is a 8 by 3 array of bras, all with their own name.

From the top: Singing hinnies, Inky pinky, Hob nobs. Love in disguise, Hunter's Buns, Pepper stea., Gelato, Chocolate glory, Mont Blanc. Singing hinnies, Tiramisu-Passion for chocolate, Gelato. Ivory Rose, Piemontos, Dark chocolate cake. Sotto zero, Tiramisu-Passion for chocolate, Tiramisu/Chocolate Oreo. Tiramisu-chocolate, Caesar, Antipasto. Tempura, Black Forest, Valrhona Chocolate.

It's more than a little baffling. Did the window dresser start off trying to be whimsical, before suffering overpowering hunger pangs? Why the obsession with Italian food? Is it wise to name a bra after ice-cream, with all the associations that might suggest about ice, snow, some frigid waste populated solely by Italians? Not to mention Pepper steak, second row from top: for breasts that are satisfyingly meaty, but might make you sneeze?

Not only are these names unhelpful for making a choice, they're not even imaginative.  They might as well have had chocolate chocolate chocolate cake cake chocolate and gone home early.

I'm not a lady, so I seldom have the need or opportunity to put on a bra, but these names just don't seem that appropriate to me. I wonder what would be suitable. The Encloser? The Mighty Cantilever? The Over-Promiser/Under-Deliverer?

Of course, my over-literal mind may not make me a success in advertising, but I can't be the only person confused that Valrhona chocolate is pink, or Ivory Rose is black. And that's quite aside from a bra named Love in disguise. In my (admittedly) limited experience, if you're seeing a bra, they're not doing a very good job of camouflaging their affections. If it was called Self-destructive urges exarcebated by desperate Valentine's Day loneliness in disguise, then it might be more accurate, but maybe not produce more sales. And they'd have to reorganise the window display.


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