Saturday, March 10, 2012

The Bombay Sapphire Diet Plan

I must have been very drunk last night, because I lost most of my memory of the party. I don't even remember writing last night's entry. I also lost half a pound in weight, which implies that the perfect diet for keeping yourself thin and trim is a quarter of a bottle of Bombay Sapphire every night and a handful of potato crisps.

Then I went to the toilet and while I don't want to detail my alimentary activities, I have to mention that I managed to gain half a pound back through an activity that would usually involve weight loss. Maybe my scales were a bit hungover.

As a result, it was hard to get started again today; I spent several lacksidaisical hours, flicking through a copy of Discovery magazine, reading terrifying things about enormous reticulated pythons eating bears. And tiger cubs. And orangutans.

Basically, a fifteen metre long python will eat anything it wants, and I'm not going to pick an argument with an enormous reptile.

I'm not sure how a python would do against bullockorsia, the enormous 'Demon Duck of Doom', the world's largest and most dangerous waterfowl. Then again, bullockorsia went extinct millenia ago, so I suppose the python is ahead.

In the afternoon, I took my wife to the office and got her to work on her CV, while I dubbed the soundtrack on the rabbit video I made last year. A rough cut of the video is here: let me know if you think I need to do a better job of lip-syncing my actors.
Then, because Blogalongabond has reached the Timothy Dalton era, I walked over to one of the many malls of Singapore, and bought a copy of The Living Daylights, which my wife thinks is a stupid name for a film. She can't have been paying attention when we watched Thunderball.

On the way back to the office, I passed Merlion Park. I think "Park" is a bit of a misnomer. Parks usually have trees, greenery, peaceful places to sit. Merlion Park is a paved area with a concrete statue of a made-up animal in the middle, perpetually vomitting water into the sea. Given how serious Singaporeans seem to be, it's strange that they'd commemorate a fictitious creature with a poor understanding of hygiene. I suppose the Merlion isn't hawking lumps of chewing gum into the water, but even so...


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