Scripting in linux for n00bs

As ever, I'm standing on the shoulders of giants in order to see a bit further. Or to really annoy the giants, if they don't like having scrawny English men clambering over them in their quest to see a bit further. Really, it's not very polite of them. And to think, we're meant to be famous for our gentility. An English gentleman never gives offence unknowingly. But they never said anything about hauling yourself over gigantic people without asking first.  Usual rider about technological gubbins for what follows...