Friday, May 04, 2012

Transport of delights

This evening we watched Transporter 3, the third Transporter film. Unlike the first two, it's missing the 'The', but all the other significant parts remain. There's a big black Audi. There's Jason Statham, with his top off. There's an "actress" from somewhere in Europe, who is out-acted by the Statham's left pectoral. And there's some fighting.

I would have liked to see more fighting. There's a fairly nice chase where Frank Martin (the ultra-dull name given to Statham's character) is on a stolen BMX, chasing a man who has stolen his Audi, but apart from a ten man punch up and a ding-dong around a piano where Our Jason bangs out a tune with somebody's head, there's really not enough ludicrous pugilism. Nothing on a par with the first film (Mr Baldy dipped in oil, fighting on top of old bicycle pedals). Perhaps my standards have gone up; ever since I watched Ong Bak, if I see a fistfight that *doesn't* involve a fridge, I feel vaguely disappointed.

The plot - oh, never mind the plot, that's just something to interrupt the car chases. What's worrying is that near the end, Transporter 3 reprises Roger Moore's breathing-from-the-inside-of-a-car-tyre 'stunt' from A View To A Kill (or as all the cool cats who disdain articles would call it, View To Kill). What's next, Statham for Bond? He's already doing enough Extreme Sports Action to qualify (remember what I said about Zorbing for cheese last month, and don't take that lightly) but a bald Bond? Never!

Well, not since St Sean of Connery, anyways.

The end of the film is stunningly predictable, but I feel it may have run its course. If they make Transport4r then perhaps they need to change things up a bit. Jason could get a wig. Or a paunch. Or a pink Smart ForFour to drive around in instead of that rather staid black Audi. After all, we all like a bit of variety, don't we?


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