Volcanoes

Oops.  There's been a huge eruption in Iceland and now there's a cloud of smoke and ash so big that all the flights out of the UK have been cancelled.

Or that's what they're saying.  It's abundantly clear that the Icelanders have done this to get back at Europeans trying to make them repay debts built up in the 2008 crash.  They're just trying to punish us by turning the sky black.

Ouch

I was just about to eat some toast when there was a loud crash and a sound of pain from behind me, and I turned to see my girlfriend on the floor.

I never touched her, honest.

Feeling punchy

Beware of Greeks bearing gifts, or so they say. But what do "they" know? I've never had a gift from a Greek in my life, and although Santa and Father Christmas look a bit like a Greek Orthodox priest (big beard, voluminous clothes), I don't actually believe in them. I mean, it's frankly preposterous that a cabal of Greek Christians are flying round the world delivering presents from an enchanted sleigh.

All is quiet on New Year's Day

On January 1st 2009, I spent all day in bed with a hangover, while the placid blue sky looked down on the industrious citizens of Hong Kong. This year I was better behaved: only some brandy and champagne and in bed by 1am, rather than standing in the taxi line at 7am wondering why I'd stayed out all night.