Monday, September 18, 2006

More drunken silliness

So, finished working for my old employer, and after turning up gray on the previous Friday through a satisfying combination of beer, gin and mouldy cheese (and then spending three hours vomitting constantly - that'll teach them not to give me gardening leave) they still let me go out on the second-to-last night of paid employment. Myself, a director, a head of department and a project manager all got to go see Avenue Q, which was great fun, and even better than I expected. Ended up getting to my hotel room at 3am, and then up at 7.30 for a breakfast meeting at Yahoo.
And here's where the fun starts. I go downstairs in the hotel for breakfast carrying my overnight bag, and one of the staff shows me a cupboard I can stow it in while I'm eating. I don't think she expected me to walk forwards and slam my head at full tilt into the lintel. I drop the bag, stagger back dazed and dizzy, only to find myself steadying myself by grabbing the buttock of another of the women working for the hotel. If only I'd then stepped in a bucket of custard and fallen down a flight of stairs, it would have been complete.
Get through the day (somehow). Have a really nice send off from work : flowers, balloon, the whole shebang. (Seriously. Will document my balloon fixation elsewhere...) Then Toby makes the fatal suggestion that we go for one last ride.
So, off to the woods we go. I don't have any lights, so I borrow some from Tim the Fastest Plumber in South East Kent. I don't have any pedals (they're still on the tandem since the S*** Damp W***) so I put on the pair Nick is selling Toby. And ten yards up the trail, the right one comes clean off its axle and I jam the axle into my foot. Ouch. Trail bodging is unsuccessful, so we all go to Tim's place and get a pair of Time pedals instead. And some clown shoes for me to wear.
Then back onto the trails. This time I forget my helmet, stack after about half an hour when the front wheel washes out, and then get a puncture on the front wheel I can't be bothered to fix, and while I'm turning white and falling over, ride back to the van. Quite a fun night, all told.
Saturday: moved. Parents went ape when they found the contents of a house in their living room, but I think they're over it now.
Sunday: locked myself out of my new flat. Whoops. Went to Greenwich with another Lady of the Internet. Think I got on really well - well, managed to make her laugh and she didn't run away, and she was that incredible combination of very pretty and actual personality. Counting down to the inevitable "I've actually already got a boyfriend/I'm carrying lots of baggage/you're clearly the child of Satan" email that I'll get later in the week. Or not. Hope springs eternal in a young man's breast, after all...
So, what have we learned?
(a) Whenever Nick gives you bike parts, they're fine and dandy. Whenever you exchange money with him for bike parts, something terrible seems to happen. Not Nick's fault - I think it's some strange curse to do with money. I'll try cowrie shells or getting him drunk instead of such fiduciary nonsense in the future.
(b) The Internet Is For Porn
(c) I learnt something from LotI today. But now I've forgotten it. So always take a pad and a pencil, people.


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