Bluffing

Last night I tried out some new stuff at open mike, then chatted to Wali Collins, the visiting American comedian. He was very personable; not that the other ones haven't been, but for a change I got to speak to him when sometimes I've felt squeezed out by other people. Which just goes to show you have to push yourself forwards. Nobody else will.

I got home, brain racing on a glass of red wine, holding four of the worst passport photos I've ever had. I'm concerned that China might refuse me entry, on the basis of looking like a headcase. Then I couldn't sleep, tossing back and forth until a melatonin pill sent me to oblivion.

Today I got up and had an early call at the office, so I had to rush back at lunchtime to get my clothes from the laundry. It wouldn't have been so bad, but the call was an hour of explaining mail merges, and I have no idea why I was there. The rest of the day went fast enough (they were out of sandwiches at Joel Robuchon, but they made up for it by making me a special sandwich) and then I had another meeting at 5pm.

I had a bad feeling about this. It was meant to be a half hour meeting, but we got to 6 o'clock without agreeing anything. As my evening began to be ruined before me, I decided to start being more assertive. If people were going to waste my time I wasn't going to put up with nonsense.

I started interrupting people and telling them they were contradicting themselves. I pulled out data and showed them they were behaving irrationally. I asked them questions, and when they didn't answer I kept asking them the same question.

Possibly this was because I was transfixed by my reflection in the window: an increasingly mad looking hairy lunatic, raging against the dying of the light.

But again and again, nobody called my bluff. Nobody said "that's all very well, but you don't have the experience". Nobody, it appeared, could pull rank, because they didn't have a leg to stand on. Possibly tomorrow they'll come back with something, but I'm realising that I can be tough with people, and that I need to be tougher. It's time to be a bit more obstreperous. After all, all the people in the company that I look up to are that way.

Although so are a lot of complete arseholes. What am I?