Exhausting computer games

Last night I subjected myself to the fitness test on the Kinect Nike Fitness game, which consists mainly of me doing press-ups incorrectly and then hopping from one leg to the other. And swearing when the Kinect isn't as good as you'd expect at recognising human body parts.

Stupidity and pain

I like consequences. I like the simple joy of the principle of induction. I'm reassured by the reliable way that something happens because something else happened first. Mostly it's the joy of seeing painful things follow on the heels of stupid actions, and that's not just schadenfreude, it's also some point about the teleological nature of morality. Or people slipping over discarded banana skins.

I'm doing something stupid, and it hurts. Thus, all is well with the world.

Angry man in a coffee shop

Today I went over the road to Starbucks, which was so exciting I completely forgot and if you'd asked me five minutes ago if I left the office, I would have sworn blind I was at my desk all day long.

Cleaning up

Today we planned to visit the zoo and feed the giraffes, but after an eight mile run this morning I conked out completely, incapable of doing anything apart from hanging the laundry out.

Return

Last night I got back on stage in Hong Kong; I don't think I'd appreciated how much I missed it. Having performed there on an almost weekly basis for four years, everything was where I expected it to be. The microphone stand was the right height, the mike itself wasn't plagued with feedback and every time I got a laugh, it reverberated around the cramped, low-ceilinged room.

Is that a joke?

On Tuesday night I was in the audience at Comedy Masala, where the crowd is always drunk, the quality is always variable and the beer is absolutely horrible. Well, the free stuff is the kind of no-name booze that doesn't get you drunk, it just gives you an instant hangover and an urge to fight somebody or step in front of a taxi.

I stood at the back because I didn't want to stand out, and my wife tells me that my face is too expressive. Or rather, if I hear material I don't like, I don't stay pokerfaced, but glower at the performer who's delivered it like I want to go and stamp on his grandma's pet cat.

Strangely crowded

I went out for my evening constitutional about 6:30 this evening, as the sun was setting and the air beginning to cool. As I ran up the street past the Hindu temple, I had to dodge through a huge crowd of people standing outside, and what seemed like half Singapore's taxis parked at the curb.

Drunk again

Today I was so utterly stressed and enraged that I had to spend five minutes with my head in my hands, lest I picked up my laptop and hoied it out the window. Thus it seemed a good idea to go out and have dinner, rather than rage around the office all evening.

Sisyphean exploits

Today, for no particular reason apart from wanting to create another online identity (it’s not like I have enough already) I registered AnotherSisyphus on Twitter. I imagine I’ll be happy with only ever updating this with “Rolling a stone up a hill” once a day.

Enraged of Asia

At about five a.m. the fire alarm went off, loud enough to disturb my sleep but quiet enough to leave me lying awake for the next two hours, worrying that I might sleep through a raging inferno. Well, that and the constant whooshing noise of the air conditioner. After discovering that there’s no way to turn the alarm off on the tablet we purchased, apart from turning the tablet off (and off again at every five minute snooze interval until your brain comes out your ears) I ate a croissant that was probably stale before it was even baked, and then hightailed it to work.

Wintermission

The snow continued to fall today - we were promised nothing but warm(er) rain, but instead there was pretty snow bedecking all the buildings. Cajoled by a colleague, I went to the office, to find a ghost town of abandoned cubicles. Every meeting was cancelled, something that provoked me to paroxysms of rage. It was as if nobody else had ever thought of using the telephone to communicate: like emus, if they can't see you, some people in the office think they can't hear you either.

You can't hide the knives

We have two very nice Japanese knives, one big one for doing stuff with, and one paring knife for doing stuff with, when the stuff is small enough that the big knife becomes unwieldy.

Unfortunately, over time the edges of the knives dull. I purchased a whetstone when we bought the larger of the knives, and tried to teach myself to use it via Youtube videos. These may well be a good teaching resource, but it's hard to test, because if you start off with two blunt knives and sharpen one, you may get some comparative improvement without ever sharpening the knife properly. Or you could sharpen both knives (badly) and still not know.

12 step programme

I'm on the first step of the 12 step programme - well, of the 12 staircase programme. The unfortunate thing about checking my luggage at Singapore airport is that they weighed it, so I knew I was trying to shift 18.9 kilograms worth of wheeled suitcase up 12 flights of stairs.

I swore a lot this evening, but there's no point abusing a bag. It's like trying to be assertive with an unhelpful chair.

How much tofurkey is too much tofurkey?

Yesterday I found Cold Storage, the rather unappetisingly named supermarket that's spread across Singapore, and a few minutes from my office. Finally I could find something to eat that wasn't just overpriced croissants sold by a hatchet-faced harridan, or something made of meat served up by somebody cheerful. I grabbed some dried fruit and other staples and took them home, where I spent the evening planning to read Len Deighton and sleep.

Summer in Hong Kong, Lyndhurst Terrace

Summer has arrived in Hong Kong, as demonstrated by two things. Firstly, people are now happily, if obliviously, sitting eating lunch on Wyndham Street on restaurants facing the street, without any glass or other barrier between them and the funk of chemicals being pumped out by every taxi, idling delivery truck and growling Lamborghini that rumbles along the street. Secondly, it's now so hot that just walking up Lyndhurst Terrace and back down Wyndham left me with a half-transparent shirt.

Lovely.

Bluffing

Last night I tried out some new stuff at open mike, then chatted to Wali Collins, the visiting American comedian. He was very personable; not that the other ones haven't been, but for a change I got to speak to him when sometimes I've felt squeezed out by other people. Which just goes to show you have to push yourself forwards. Nobody else will.