You Rang Utan

Sick of missing calls because you were stuck in Important Business Meeting? Angry that your coworker has not put his phone on silent and you're hearing Gangnam Style again? Fed up of receiving inept cold calls from people trying to sell you insurance?

Never fear, the You Rang Utan is here!

The Bombay Sapphire Diet Plan

I must have been very drunk last night, because I lost most of my memory of the party. I don't even remember writing last night's entry. I also lost half a pound in weight, which implies that the perfect diet for keeping yourself thin and trim is a quarter of a bottle of Bombay Sapphire every night and a handful of potato crisps.