Why you shouldn't read everything in the newspaper

There's been a run of beautiful days in Singapore; blue skies, a warm sun, the kind of weather when a young man thinks not of work, but of skipping down the Park Connector Network, illegally plucking flowers to wear in his hair. I didn't have the courage for that sort of thing, so I skulked inside and read the newspaper.
The Straits Times has some funny old articles, the best of today being an attempt to conflate democracy, gun massacres, and rape. At least, I assume it was written with satirical intent.

Fame and fortune, almost, at last

I was intending on talking about this:
 

... However, I found out today that I'd appeared, if only very marginally, in a Chinese newspaper, so I'll leave dancing lions until tomorrow, when I may have processed the photographs more professionally.