Streetfighting Man

As I ran up New Bridge Road this morning, I saw two men fighting outside one of the KTV joints.

If you haven't been to this side of the world, you might not have heard of KTV; it is an abbreviation for Karaoke Television, and depending on what country you're in that either means it's a karaoke joint, or (on New Bridge Road in Singapore) it's a place with blacked out windows that has some dodgy hostesses hanging out on the street. Rather in the same vein as the places with individually priced ladies I saw when I was waiting for my bus.

Shaolin

To round the weekend off in style, six of us went to the cinema to see Shaolin, a grand Chinese epic with Andy Lau (and his fine, fine hair), hundreds of beatific monks, and men on horses.

(Off) Road Rage

Today I felt a bit jaded by the world, possibly because I'd read one of the unpleasant sections of TGWADT, and I don't mean the part where the author described the specification of a laptop in mindbending detail, almost as if he was trying to reach a particular wordcount and figured he'd be best off just copying verbiage from Apple's website.

I'm not going to go into what that was, because I had the much more enjoyable spectacle this afternoon of watching a very angry motorcycle racer on Youtube.

So you want to be a killing machine? (part 2) : THE ONE INCH PUNCH

If you want to be a killing machine, you have to be able to master the one-inch punch. But fear not! While I have travelled all the way to Hong Kong to learn it from the masters, you don't need to go nearly so far. I hope by the end of this short post to have shown you how to summon your inner strength and defeat your enemies.

Culture for the weekend

Last night I drank some free beer and then went to HMV to spend money on culture.  I got back to the apartment and discovered I'd purchased The Dark Knight, Breakfast At Tiffany's and a Jason Statham film, that I have already watched on a plane.  Perhaps this shows why I shouldn't drink and shop.

Feeling punchy

Beware of Greeks bearing gifts, or so they say. But what do "they" know? I've never had a gift from a Greek in my life, and although Santa and Father Christmas look a bit like a Greek Orthodox priest (big beard, voluminous clothes), I don't actually believe in them. I mean, it's frankly preposterous that a cabal of Greek Christians are flying round the world delivering presents from an enchanted sleigh.

Waving, not drowning

The air quality is back down to normal levels, which doesn't account for the continuing smell of burning biscuits every time I leave the MTR in Causeway Bay.  Maybe it's a fragrance like freshly baked bread, that encourages people to purchase more frequently.  Or move out of the way to let taxis past.  Who knows how the psychological engineering of Hong Kong is conducted, what its hopes and dreams are, what laudable goals they aim to reach?

Realism is not always good policy

I'm gradually making my way through the haul of books, DVDs and CDs that I purchased in London.  Probably foremost amongst those has been Realism, the [almost brand] new Magnetic Fields album.  I've been keen on the Magnetic Fields since I watched the last episode of season one of The Shield, which is a strange way to come to find a quirky singer-songwriter considering romantic misadventures.  But then what isn't romantic about seeing a bald-headed Angryman* charging around in despair, to the sound of "All My Little Words"?

Fame and fortune, almost, at last

I was intending on talking about this:
 

... However, I found out today that I'd appeared, if only very marginally, in a Chinese newspaper, so I'll leave dancing lions until tomorrow, when I may have processed the photographs more professionally.

So you want to be a killing machine? (part 1)

Need fame? Fortune? The ability to kick sand in people's faces, even when you're not at the beach? Then you need a martial art - but which one? Here's the first part of a helpful guide for the pugilists out there:

Muay thai

This conforms to a few simple principles.
Two people stand in a ring and take turns to hit one another in the face. This is usually with their fists, but for variety they will also use their feet or their elbows.
From time to time, one or both participants will fall over, usually while trying to kick the other person. They will then stand up and start hitting one another again.
A muay thai bout lasts for three rounds. Each round is roughly about two minutes in length, and is carefully differentiated from other fights by the music that is played throughout. This is a traditional cacophony of strings, with a thudding beat and occasionally the sound of a ZX Spectrum loading a game from tape. As any fool knows, music that is not created by four guys wearing skinny jeans and playing guitars is worthless.
However, in the muay thai arena this has certain advantages. Fighters from most other nationalities have not had to put up with this racket since childhood, and often surrender in order to make the music stop. Thais, having heard the same noise again and again for years, are less upset by it and can carry on standing up for longer. This is one reason why no non-Thai has ever won in a match with a Thai. Ever.
After three rounds, or when somebody has surrendered to the music, the fight stops, and everyone hugs.


Kick boxing

Kickboxing is often confused with muay thai by neophytes. It is quite different, as it has:

• Jean Claude Van Damme


• None of that music. Unfortunately, there will still be music from the 1980s.

Cage fighting

Two people*, in a cage, having a fight.

* Or sometimes one person and a bear, or one person and several lions. Telephone your local zoo for details.